Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
