I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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