I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
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The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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