This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
