no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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