Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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