considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
