I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
