My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
