I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The struggles of a small town man whore
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
