I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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