Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
