fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Randomize
