his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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