Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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