I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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