Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
