I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
