He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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