3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
