If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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