I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
