I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
