Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
