I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
