I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
