I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
