I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
