Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
