Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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