im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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