Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
everyone is single if you try hard enough
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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