Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
