Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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