All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
