he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
