I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
