She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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