I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
