I'm jealous of your bromance
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
