i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
