These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
