hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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