Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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