If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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