when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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