I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
