The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
