Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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