I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
