I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
