I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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