were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
