this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
