she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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