i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
