sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
