Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
