he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Don't make out with my wife yet
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
