You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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